下面給大家提供一篇申請(qǐng)美國(guó)哈佛大學(xué)商學(xué)院MBAhttp://www.usastudy.com.cn/mba/的ESSAy范文及分析，希望對(duì)申請(qǐng)哈佛大學(xué)商學(xué)院的讀者提供幫助。

　　Harvard Business School Essay:What are your three most substantial accomplishments and why do you view them as such?

　　1.

　　During my third year in college, I set up the first student-run legal aid hotline in my city, offering legal assistance to female migrant workers, many of whom were plagued by domestic violence and unequal treatment in the workplace.

　　Shocked by their situation when doing social work, I came up with the idea of a legal aid hotline. I recruited a team of law students, led the initial fundraising of $1500, and secured time commitment from our professors for legal advice. The hotline started operation two months later.

　　The success of the first case was a huge encouragement. A young girl, who lost her finger in a work accident, was refused compensation by her employer, citing no formal contract. I spent months traveling across the city and going through papers to collect evidence of contractual relationship, and finally won her the deserved compensation.

　　I continued to lead the hotline until my graduation, when it had grown to handle more than 400 calls a year and won funding from several Foundations. Fourth year in operation, it is now part of the largest NGO network in my province. This accomplishment fulfilled my dream of helping the underprivileged.

　　2.

　　I was the only "amateur" of a seven-girl team that won the gold for women's gymnastics in the Beijing University Games.

　　After an injury in the team, the coach asked me to join because I was the "best amateur". But I quickly discovered the big gap with a professional. Seeing my teammates easily bend their legs over head or jump with a perfect split, I could barely keep up with their pace.

　　I was extremely nervous to become a drag to the team, and ruin their "golden dream". So were my teammates. I begged the coach for extra intensive training in body flexibility. Everyday I trained two hours more than the team in the midst of heavy law curriculum. I got blisters on both feet and almost injured myself from forcing too hard on a split. The rest of the team gradually changed their attitude towards me and we bonded more closely.

　　Four months later, I could perform as well as anyone else in the team. When we finally won first place, the team threw me in the air. Tears in my eyes, I could see big smile on everyone's face. Through relentless effort I earned respect from the team and together we achieved the best.

　　3.

　　In my second year as a consultant, I helped a multinational pharmaceutical company bring affordable medicine to more than one million people in rural China.

　　The project was to find new growth areas for the company. Accustomed to "the usual ways of business", the client initially only focused on large cities. However, my experience told me that "capturing rural China" would not only pose a long-term growth opportunity, but also fill a major gap of medical supply in rural areas. I convinced the client to make "rural growth" a priority.

　　The most challenging part was to design a cost-effective model to serve the vast and dispersed rural market. Having selected thirty representative rural areas, I led a client team across China to interview local distributors, pharmacies and hospitals. Armed with firsthand knowledge, I proposed a model using innovative tools like mobile clinics, makeshift workshops and promotion-on-the-van. We further backed up our ideas with concrete cost-benefit analysis.

　　The CEO was impressed by the "local ways" of selling medicine. He authorized a pilot model in five areas across China. The initial results showed good financial return, but more importantly, brought access to quality medicine for over one million rural people.

　　點(diǎn)評(píng)：

　　Three most substantial accomplishments(三個(gè)最重要的成就)是美國(guó)哈佛大學(xué)商學(xué)院MBA申請(qǐng)essay最經(jīng)典的題目，而且已經(jīng)持續(xù)了多年。很多申請(qǐng)人看到這個(gè)題目都很頭痛。第一，什么樣的經(jīng)歷才能算是substantial accomplishment(重要成就)，如何選材成為一個(gè)難點(diǎn);第二，文章限定是600字，那么每個(gè)小故事就只有200個(gè)字左右的空間來發(fā)揮，要求言辭簡(jiǎn)練精確而精彩。

　　這篇文章可以成為大多數(shù)嘗試寫HBS essay的申請(qǐng)者學(xué)習(xí)的范文。首先看作者的選材，3個(gè)小故事的選材非常全面：從內(nèi)容上看，volunteer work(志愿者活動(dòng))，extracurricular work(課外活動(dòng))和professional work(專業(yè)領(lǐng)域)三個(gè)方面各取其一。從每個(gè)故事反映出來的作者的優(yōu)秀品質(zhì)上看：分別從社會(huì)責(zé)任感、堅(jiān)忍不拔和創(chuàng)新性思維等多角度塑造出一個(gè)完整而優(yōu)秀的人格形象。從三個(gè)故事的排列來看，作者把工作的例子放在最后是很用心的安排。

　　美國(guó)哈佛大學(xué)http://school.usastudy.com.cn/schoolinfo/school3333.shtml商學(xué)院的招生委員會(huì)每天讀大量申請(qǐng)人的文章，關(guān)于工作的例子都大同小異，很難讓他們眼前一亮。而于工作無關(guān)的事例才是真正能凸顯作者的亮點(diǎn)，把新鮮的選材放在首位又能提起讀者的興趣。更重要的是，從整個(gè)申請(qǐng)材料的綜合來考慮，讀者可以看到作者的職業(yè)目標(biāo)是要為中國(guó)的欠發(fā)達(dá)地區(qū)建立個(gè)人醫(yī)療體系，作者巧妙的用這一篇MBA申請(qǐng)essay的三個(gè)故事印證了自己要完成這個(gè)長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)宏大的目標(biāo)所需要具備的最重要的素質(zhì)和品質(zhì)。這樣的選材和為整體申請(qǐng)材料服務(wù)的安排使得作者成功了一大半。作者的語言功底也不錯(cuò)，文字樸實(shí)簡(jiǎn)練，也是文章的一大優(yōu)點(diǎn)。