As a seventeen year old, I don’t yet have the experience or vision to know exactly what I want to accomplish.  What I hope college will do for me is to broaden my base of knowledge with a solid liberal arts education.  I would like to have the power to explore Drake’s equation for extraterrestrial life while at the same time analyzing the similes used in Virgil’s Aeneid.  Or maybe I could investigate the applications of integral calculus or the themes of self-sacrifice in Shakespeare.  From the combination of courses I decide to take, I expect to find one or two true passions that I can extract from the rest and then expand my knowledge exponentially in that field.

While I am working towards an academic concentration, I would like to focus my athletic efforts on swimming.  At Springfield High, my intense training in swimming is interrupted every winter by my commitment to the basketball team.  I am confident that concentrating solely on swimming will enable me to improve my past performances and times.  If I could post a University record at Blodgett Pool and also find those one or two academic passions, I will have attained what I wanted from Princeton.  And I am hopeful that in combining and completing these goals, I will have given something back to the school.
 
Things to Notice about This Essay

1.  The writer’s use of specific topics from a liberal arts curriculum suggests that she has thought about what’s going to go on in college (Drake, Virgil, calculus, Shakespeare). Weaker sentences are those lacking specifics (Sentence 2:  “broaden my base of knowledge with a solid liberal arts education”.  Final sentence:  “combining and completing these goals, I will have given something back to the school”).

2.  The writer is honest about her plans and her inability to predict a future at least four years away. But she is also positive about what she isn’t sure of, emphasizing the future possibilities rather than her indecision.

3.  It’s a good idea to show a familiarity with the buildings and programs of the school to which you’re applying.  But if you write several essays like this one, be sure to proofread carefully,  Isn’t Blodgett Pool at Harvard?