My mother is back. For two and a half years, she has been tucked away in a place where those more fortunate have never ventured. The woman who returned bears only a slight resemblance to the person I knew before her departure. Even though she is the same person, something terribly devastating had to have happened to change the one I knew so well. I am confident that she will be normal again, but only time will tell.

Physically, my mother was always present. I could see, touch, and even talk to her, but our relationship was not the same. She was no longer the person that watched me develop into a man. My mother was a stranger. Her whole persona transformed, her once driven personality slowly wilted like a flower in the blistering August heat. I should have sensed her degeneration; her past was flooded with indicators and warnings of problems yet to come. But I ignored her inner demons, hoping they would never surface.

For the last two and a half years, my mother has lived in a world of depression and anxiety. During these desperate and often discouraging times, I was introduced to the uniqueness of each human body. Throughout her illness, my mother was placed on an unthinkable quantity and variety of medications, but none seemed to have any effect. I was amazed at how other individuals diagnosed with similar conditions reacted so differently to the same drug therapy. My ignorance of medicine was frustrating. As a science major, I was trained to think analytically and objectively, but I lacked a medical education, and I had no training in the fields of psychiatry and psychology, so I was helpless in this situation from a scientific perspective. Love and moral support were all I had to offer.

After numerous doctors and several misdiagnoses, along with virtually every anti-depressant or anti-anxiety drug on the market, my mother eventually found the correct pharmaceutical and diagnosis, and she was set on the road to recovery. Her experience has had a tremendous influence on my decision to pursue a Ph.D. in pharmacology.
When I entered my freshman year of college, I was overwhelmed by the academic transition from high school to university. Tests were transformed into major exams, book reports became research papers, classrooms developed into forums, and time was truly man's worst enemy. I felt that it would be wise to enter my first year under the status of "undecided, " which would provide me with a chance to complete some “easy” prerequisite courses before tackling the more difficult subject matter. I was wrong. My studies lacked a clear direction, and my grades plummeted. In response, I gave myself an ultimatum; either I would continue on my path to academic destruction, or I would buckle down, evaluate my goals, and do what it would take to achieve them. I chose the latter.

As my undergraduate studies progressed, I developed a fascination with the molecular aspects of biology. The way in which atoms and molecules define us as human beings, and how the complete synchrony of these atoms and molecules are essential for life intrigued me. While studying physiology, I became interested in ligands and how the binding of ligands to their specified receptors induces our many behaviors. My interest in pharmacology developed out of my study of ligands, coupled with my mother’s condition.

My curiosity has aroused several questions concerning drugs and neurotransmitters -- specifically, what are the roles of norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin in neurological disorders, and what influence do drugs have upon these neurotransmitters? What is the action mechanism of these drugs? Are more or fewer of these neurotransmitters involved in such disorders, and is restoration of these neurotransmitter systems possible? How do these neurotransmitters affect our moods and emotional states? How do certain diseases affect signal transduction?

My interest in drugs and ligands led me to give a presentation on the effects of cocaine on the human brain. Researching this topic enabled me to gain some insight into the mechanisms of drug action, develop a strong appreciation for previous scientific research, educate fellow students on the effects of cocaine abuse, and apply my prior knowledge of neurotransmitters to an area of interest. In the process, I learned that cocaine blocks the re-uptake of norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin, and that dopaminergic hyperactivity might be responsible for the feeling of euphoria associated with cocaine use.

The motivation behind my pursuit of a Ph.D. in pharmacology is clear. I watched my mother hopelessly suffer from anxiety and depression, and now I want to contribute to the growing body of research being conducted on disorders such as anxiety, depression, Alzheimer’s, and Parkinson’s disease. My academic transcript illustrates my success as a student and is a simple indicator of my potential for graduate study. Perseverance, discipline, and dedication helped to build my foundation, but my curiosity and affinity for science fuel my passion for learning.

點(diǎn)評：

全文共823字，可分如下四個(gè)部分。

第一部分：母親的患病經(jīng)歷激發(fā)了自己求學(xué)的決心。（第1~4段，共351字）

第一部分：不適應(yīng)大學(xué)學(xué)習(xí)的小插曲。（第5段，共131字）

藥理學(xué)的相關(guān)學(xué)習(xí)及研究經(jīng)歷。（第6~8段，共254字）

求學(xué)動機(jī)及個(gè)人性格總結(jié)。（第9段，共87字）

文章結(jié)構(gòu)不合理，重點(diǎn)不突出。

作者用逾四成的篇幅鋪墊了母親的患病經(jīng)歷，從而引出攻讀藥理學(xué)博士的目標(biāo)。相比之下，對于自己在藥理學(xué)領(lǐng)域的學(xué)習(xí)研究經(jīng)歷的描述卻非常單薄。作為一篇理工類課程的PS來說，這顯然是不合理的。與其花筆墨去介紹為什么喜歡這個(gè)專業(yè)，倒不如直接說明自己在這個(gè)專業(yè)領(lǐng)域內(nèi)的學(xué)習(xí)成果更為實(shí)際。因?yàn)椋屠砉た粕暾埖谋举|(zhì)來說，是你的技術(shù)水平?jīng)Q定了你能夠進(jìn)入到什么樣的課程，而不是虛無縹緲?biāo)^興趣。

寫作手法一般。

當(dāng)然，我并非完全否定文章中“非專業(yè)技術(shù)內(nèi)容”的作用。正如本文中對于母親患病經(jīng)歷，這的確是值得一寫的素材。它對于闡述學(xué)習(xí)動機(jī)，對于烘托作者的個(gè)人形象起到一定的作用。然而，作者并沒有很好地運(yùn)用好這個(gè)素材。雖然用了多達(dá)351字作為鋪墊，但是我并不認(rèn)為這樣的文字能夠打動讀者的心，反而是讓人覺得有點(diǎn)無病呻吟。

原因便在于作者只用了平鋪直敘的寫法，而且行文欠簡潔。作者反復(fù)地寫“母親變了”，然而，我們并沒有真切地感受到這種變化。事實(shí)上，作者完全可以只選用一個(gè)富有沖擊力的細(xì)節(jié)（例如母親的話語，神態(tài)等）對母親經(jīng)歷疾病折磨后的悲慘形象進(jìn)行刻畫，繼而把自己的心痛與無助進(jìn)行對比從而形成強(qiáng)烈的藝術(shù)效果。這樣，便能在文章一開始的時(shí)候便捉住讀者的心，而且能更快地切入到文章的核心部分。

貪大求全，寫作大忌。

整篇文章中，作者企圖建立一個(gè)全面的自我形象：堅(jiān)韌，紀(jì)律，奉獻(xiàn)，成績優(yōu)秀，富好奇心，具有激情，熱愛科學(xué)……。然而，除了“因?yàn)槟赣H罹患疾病，從而激發(fā)起對藥理學(xué)研究的熱情”這一條之外，我們并沒有對作者的形象留下太深刻的印象。也就是說，作者并未能成功建立的這個(gè)“立體的形象”。

原因在于貪大求全。第5段便是這一典型。這里敘述了作者克服學(xué)習(xí)困難的一段小插曲，而這段插曲與文章的中心并無必然聯(lián)系，因此第5段顯得非常奇怪。這里作者或許是希望解釋大學(xué)早期的學(xué)習(xí)成績較差的原因，又或是希望展示自己不懼挫折的形象，但無論如何，此段文字與整篇文章格格不入。

專業(yè)深度不足

文章的亮點(diǎn)在于作者對原子，分子，配體，神經(jīng)傳遞素，藥物等藥理學(xué)相關(guān)內(nèi)容的思考，從中我們可以看到作者對于此領(lǐng)域具有一定的見解。然而，作為一名PHD的申請者，這種深度的思考明顯不足。更加理想的做法，應(yīng)該是對于更多的更富深度的研究課題的綜合思考，繼而從這些思考引出自己的求學(xué)目的?？偢艁碚f，此文與國內(nèi)眾多“八股文”式的PS相比，有優(yōu)勝之處，但是，這遠(yuǎn)不算是一篇優(yōu)秀的理工科的申請文書。

譯文：

1.母親回來了。兩年零六個(gè)月里，她一直被禁蔽在那個(gè)幸運(yùn)一丁點(diǎn)的人便絕不會冒險(xiǎn)靠近的地方。歸來的這個(gè)女人與離去之前判若兩人，縱使她確是同一人。在她身上必定發(fā)生過某些極具破壞性的事情，致使我如此熟悉的那個(gè)人變得面目全非。雖然，我確信她會恢復(fù)往昔的樣子，但這尚需時(shí)日。

2.在肉體上，母親是還在這里，我仍可看見她，觸摸她，甚至與她談話，但我們的關(guān)系與往日大不相同。她不再是那個(gè)見證著我長大成人的母親，她的角色變了，她變成了陌生人，她曾經(jīng)具有的那種魄力也逐漸地枯萎，就像是鮮花桎梏于八月的酷熱中。我本該察覺到她的惡化，過去，在她身上曾出現(xiàn)過無數(shù)的異常與征兆，這都預(yù)示著即將有問題出現(xiàn)。但我卻無視她體內(nèi)的惡魔，一廂情愿地希望它永不會浮現(xiàn)。

3.過去的兩年半以來，母親生活在壓抑與焦慮里。在那些令人絕望使人氣餒的日子里，我認(rèn)識到了人類的身體的獨(dú)特性。在患病的過程中，母親接受了無數(shù)的各種各樣不可思議的藥物治療，但是并無任何明顯的好轉(zhuǎn)。我驚訝于與母親患有相似癥狀的人對藥物的反應(yīng)為什么如此不同。但是對于藥物的無知使我灰心。作為主修科學(xué)的學(xué)生，我習(xí)慣于客觀地，分析性地思考，但是，當(dāng)時(shí)，從科學(xué)展望的角度來看，對于醫(yī)藥知識的缺乏，對于精神病學(xué)及心理學(xué)的一無所知，使我在感到無助。我只可以給母親提供愛與精神上的支持。

4.經(jīng)歷了數(shù)不清的醫(yī)生們的診斷及幾次誤診，嘗遍了市面上每一種抗抑郁藥，抗焦慮藥的煎熬，母親才終于找到了合適的藥物及診治方法。目前，她正一點(diǎn)一點(diǎn)的好起來。她的經(jīng)歷極大地促成了我要追求Ph.D. in pharmacology的學(xué)位的決定。

5.當(dāng)我初入大學(xué)校園時(shí)，高中到大學(xué)的學(xué)習(xí)轉(zhuǎn)變壓得我透不過氣。小測驗(yàn)變成了專業(yè)考試，讀書報(bào)告變成了研究論文，教室變成的論壇，而時(shí)間則是最大的敵人。那時(shí)我認(rèn)為，第一年不確定專業(yè)將使我有充足的時(shí)間去先讀一些較“輕松”的預(yù)備課程，然后再應(yīng)對那些艱深許多倍的專業(yè)學(xué)科。然而，我錯(cuò)了，我的學(xué)習(xí)變得沒有方向感，我的成績一落千丈。于是，我給自己下了最后通諜，要不就繼續(xù)一蹶不振下去直至我的學(xué)習(xí)徹底崩潰；要不就奮發(fā)圖強(qiáng)，樹立目標(biāo)，然后朝著目標(biāo)進(jìn)發(fā)。我選擇了后者。

6.隨著學(xué)習(xí)上的進(jìn)展，我發(fā)現(xiàn)生物學(xué)在分子層面上的巨大吸引力。這些細(xì)小的原子，分子究竟是通過何種方式定義了我們之為人類，它們之間的完全同步性究竟對生命的本質(zhì)有何種意義，這些問題激發(fā)了我無窮的興趣。當(dāng)學(xué)習(xí)生理學(xué)的時(shí)候，我對于配體產(chǎn)生了興趣，我更加感興趣于這些配體如何通過與不同的受體結(jié)合而導(dǎo)致了我們的許多行為。我對于配體的學(xué)習(xí)，與母親罹患疾病的經(jīng)歷，使我產(chǎn)生了對于藥理學(xué)的興趣。

7.我的好奇心喚起了我對于藥物及神經(jīng)傳遞素的疑問——尤其是去腎上腺素，多巴胺及5-羥色胺在神經(jīng)錯(cuò)亂中起的作用，以及藥物究竟如何影響了這些神經(jīng)傳遞素？藥物的作用機(jī)制究竟是什么？這些神經(jīng)傳遞素在神經(jīng)錯(cuò)亂中究竟是多了還是少了？修復(fù)這些神經(jīng)傳遞素系統(tǒng)是否可能？這些神經(jīng)傳遞素如何影響我們的情緒？某些疾病如何影響了信號轉(zhuǎn)導(dǎo)？

8.源于對藥物與配體的興趣，我曾經(jīng)作了一堂關(guān)于“可卡因?qū)θ四X的影響”的演講。對于這個(gè)課題的研究使我洞察到藥物作用的機(jī)制，使我對以前的研究有了更深刻的認(rèn)識和了解，也教育了同學(xué)們關(guān)于濫用可卡因的惡果，并把我之前對于神經(jīng)傳遞素的知識運(yùn)用在了我感興趣的領(lǐng)域。在此過程中，我明白到可卡因會阻斷去腎上腺素，多巴胺及5-羥色胺的再吸收，而多巴胺能量的過度活躍將導(dǎo)致快感的出現(xiàn)，而這正是由于服用可卡因而產(chǎn)生的。

9.我尋求攻讀Ph.D. in pharmacology的動機(jī)是明確的。我目睹了母親從焦慮與抑郁中絕望地生存下來，而我現(xiàn)在正是要深入從事諸如焦慮，抑郁，Alzheimer’s癥及Parkinson’s癥等精神失調(diào)疾病的研究。我的成績單說明了我過去作為一個(gè)學(xué)生的成功，并預(yù)示著我將來從事研究生學(xué)習(xí)的潛力。堅(jiān)韌，紀(jì)律及奉獻(xiàn)幫助我鑄就了堅(jiān)實(shí)的基礎(chǔ)，而我的好奇心與對于科學(xué)的熱愛使我在科學(xué)研究的道路上充滿激情！