As I sat in a dark, windowless imaging lab, clicking away at the human brain images in front of me, my eyes wandered to the thin network cable leaving my computer and disappearing into the wall. I glanced back at the MRI images in front of me. They displayed the architecture of the subject’s brain, the biology of the subject’s entire experiential history. Was it possible that his belief structure, library of memories and psychological potentiality had been encrypted into a 16MB file hurtling through this thin cable in front of me? I had to wonder: was this massive network of neural circuitry simply the universe’s mainframe computer? And if so, was it possible that we had actually captured a picture of the inner workings of life?

I was first intrigued by the neurophysiologic correlates of the mystical or spiritual side of life as a young child, when I noticed that my own visual experiences were quite different from those of others. I saw most objects with a field akin to heat coming off pavement. No one could explain these images but a few spiritual and Eastern medical practitioners, and only by using such descriptions as “energy” and “auras.” These explanations lacked any basis in the language of biology that made so much sense to me. It seemed that the more science I studied, the further away any rational answer was pushed. Science and spirit seemed so incongruent, and yet they both appeared to be two windows looking into the same house. Not one to be satisfied without resolution, I constantly sought out books and conferences that combined these two fields.

In 1996 Caroline Myss published a book entitled "Anatomy of the Spirit, " documenting her experiences and thoughts on being a “medical intuitive.” As her ten-day conference on medical intuition was co-presented by a Duke-trained neurosurgeon, Dr. Norm Shealy, it seemed the two fields blended well. I attended with a curious mind, but what I found was quite disappointing. Although they tried to elucidate certain phenomena with scientific language, they could not support it with rigorous scientific studies. I realized, walking away from that conference, that any type of spiritual or mystical experience had to entail a complex neurocognitive process and that therefore, it could be scientifically observed.

In order to study this process more actively, I sought out scientists who could provide me with a hands-on, comprehensive neurobiological education. The professor of the neurobiology class I was tutoring at UCI recommended me to a scientist who focused on the neuroimaging of intelligence, Dr. Richard Haier. Dr. Haier was interviewing for a computer analyst to work on a new project, a human imaging study of dementia using Alzheimer’s disease and Down’s syndrome. My drive and commitment to excellence won me the position. This afforded me the opportunity to become intimately aware of the relationship between mental states and brain structure while studying the progression of neural degeneration. At this point, my grandmother died from complications associated with Parkinson’s disease, and so the physiology of neural degeneration became an intense focus in my life. Researching the etiology of the disease, I found a biotechnology firm investigating the use of endogenous growth factors to instigate neural repair and regeneration. Their research lab was on our campus, led by Dr. James Firestone. Again, my commitment to meticulous scientific inquiry earned me a research position.

The interdisciplinary nature of the curriculum and faculty research in the Department of Neurobiology and Behavior at UCI is ideal for my many-sided approach to studying the nervous system. Neuronal regeneration and reorganization is a specific area of interest, and I would welcome the chance to interact more with Dr. John Marshall.

My academic record at UCI directly conveys my ability to excel in the study of neuroscience. I have received stellar marks in my academic career at UCI, and as a paid upper-division tutor for the Learning and Academic Resource Center, I was given the highest evaluation given to tutors by my students. Additionally, my extracurricular research and participation in UCI’s Excellence in Research program highlight my personal dedication to original research, so crucial to success in doctoral study. However, it will likely be my multifaceted approach to the study of neuroscience and my mission to understand the biology of belief that will contribute most significantly to my success.

When conducted with passion, rigorous scientific research can envelop one’s life. My eyes, bulging from staring too long into a florescent microscope, illustrate how easy it is to forget the human aspect of research. Even with both research positions, preparing for the national FASEB conference, tutoring upper division biology undergraduates, and operating my own business, however, I make the time to catch a smile from someone in need. I volunteer at a local community children’s clinic, raising money for their families, and as a summer camp counselor for neurologically disabled and foster children. In addition to the intense research I hope to be able to pursue at UCI, I am eager to continue balancing my life in this regard. As Paley said, “The great energies of nature are known to us only by their effects.” These effects are not found just in labs, but in life.

點評：

這是一篇描寫作者在尋求真理的道路上顛簸的經(jīng)歷。從他的文章看來，他是一個堅持不懈的人，愿意不斷探索的人。文章體現(xiàn)了作者把感興趣→思考→探索的過程交代得很清楚，并突出了他是一個有著非一般見解的成熟的人。

然而，自我感覺他應(yīng)該將思考過程再深化一些，因為他的闡述讓我有點意猶未盡的感覺，他可以再更進一步地展現(xiàn)他與眾不同的思維模式，我覺得這樣會更好。

另外，作者在描寫自己的學(xué)習(xí)過程中把過多筆墨花在無關(guān)緊要的細節(jié)上面，反而削弱了自己是如何進行學(xué)習(xí)，而且也沒有突出自己的研究能力。

最后，側(cè)重點沒把握住，作者過多提及自己研究以外的事情，對自己專業(yè)的陳述就相對缺乏。

譯文：

當我坐在成像實驗室里，點擊著前面的大腦圖像，我的視線沿著電線，從顯示屏游離開來，一直望到墻上……我瞥了一眼前面的MRI圖像，它們顯示著這個大腦的構(gòu)造，反映著它整個生活歷史的生物規(guī)律。它的信仰結(jié)構(gòu)，記憶實驗室和心理潛能會不會都能編譯成這個16MB的文件，并用電腦反映出來呢？我不禁去思考：這個巨大的神經(jīng)網(wǎng)絡(luò)是不是能等同于一部通用的計算機主機呢？如果是這樣，我們是不是有可能捕捉到生命內(nèi)在運作的圖像呢？

當我還是個小孩，我就發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的視覺體驗與別人有著很大的區(qū)別，也因此我第一次迷上了神經(jīng)生理上的聯(lián)系，這種生活中的神秘或精神上的聯(lián)系。我看到了大多數(shù)如熱量從路面升起這類奇妙的現(xiàn)象。除了一些精神和東方醫(yī)生，就沒有人能對此進行解釋了，而且這種解釋只能使用像“能量”和“氣息”這類的詞語進行描述。由于這些解釋沒有任何生物基礎(chǔ)，但對我的意義很大。我覺得涉足科學(xué)領(lǐng)域越深，就越能挖掘越合理的答案。科學(xué)和精神看似不統(tǒng)一，它們就像兩扇窗戶，讓人們從不同角度看同一個房子。由于沒有解開問題，使我無法滿足，我不斷地去翻閱書籍或參加關(guān)于這兩個領(lǐng)域的相互聯(lián)系的會議，希望能幫我理清思路。

在1996年Caroline Myss出版了一本名為"Anatomy of the Spirit" 的書。里面記載著她作為一位“醫(yī)務(wù)工作直觀”時的經(jīng)歷和感想。她和另一位Duke大學(xué)的神經(jīng)外科醫(yī)生Dr. Norm Shealy合作組織了一次為期10天的學(xué)術(shù)討論會。似乎這是一場將兩個領(lǐng)域很好結(jié)合的會議。我滿懷好奇參加了這次會議，但結(jié)果卻令我非常失望。盡管他們嘗試用科學(xué)語言解釋一些現(xiàn)象，但卻無法為這次闡述提供嚴謹?shù)目茖W(xué)研究理論。走出會議室，我意識到任何類型的精神或神秘體驗都必須通過錯綜復(fù)雜的神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)識別過程，才會有科學(xué)發(fā)現(xiàn)。

為了更有效地學(xué)習(xí)這個過程，我尋找能為我提供實用的，全面的神經(jīng)生物學(xué)習(xí)的科學(xué)家。當我在UCI作輔導(dǎo)教師時一位教授把我推薦給專注于智力神經(jīng)影像的科學(xué)家：Dr. Richard Haier。Dr. Richard Haier想通過面試找到一名計算機分析師，并開展一個新的項目：利用研究老年癡呆和Down’s 綜合癥的手段對癡呆癥進行人類成像的研究。我的研究激情和動力使我得到了這個職位。當我進行神經(jīng)衰退過程研究時我有機會詳盡地去了解精神狀態(tài)和大腦結(jié)構(gòu)之間的關(guān)系。正在此時，我的祖母死于珀金森氏病，因此迫使我集中研究神經(jīng)衰退的生理學(xué)這個領(lǐng)域。研究這種疾病的根源時，我發(fā)現(xiàn)一間生物技術(shù)公司正在研究應(yīng)用內(nèi)在生長素修復(fù)神經(jīng)，使神經(jīng)恢復(fù)新生。他們的研究實驗室就在我們的校園內(nèi)，由Dr. James Firestone領(lǐng)導(dǎo)。由于我對科學(xué)精益求精的精神使我得到了研究助理這個職位。

在UCI的神經(jīng)生物和行為學(xué)院里，各個學(xué)科，各個教授研究都交叉滲透，使我能多方面去研究神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)。神經(jīng)新生，重組是我的興趣所向，我非常希望能與Dr. John Marshall有更多機會交流。

我在UCI的學(xué)術(shù)成績直接反應(yīng)了我在神經(jīng)科學(xué)這個領(lǐng)域的掌握程度。我在UCI的學(xué)術(shù)生涯里成績優(yōu)異，作為一名獲得獎學(xué)金，在學(xué)術(shù)資源中心傳授較大課程的助教，學(xué)生對我輔導(dǎo)的課程給予了最高評價。另外，我課余時間在UCI’s Excellence的項目的研究和準備工作突出了我個人對于創(chuàng)新研究的貢獻，這對我尋求的博士生課程的成功起著至關(guān)重要的作用。然而，它將是我探索神經(jīng)科學(xué)領(lǐng)域的另一種途徑，我對信仰的生物性的了解將會促使我在這個領(lǐng)域取得重大的成功。

當有了激情，嚴謹?shù)目茖W(xué)研究就成了我生活的一部分。我目不轉(zhuǎn)睛地凝視著顯微鏡，很容易就忘卻了研究中“人”方面存在的因素。即使身兼兩職，準備國家FASEB會議，講授本科的生物課程和完成我自己的工作，我仍然盡量抽身出來幫助有需要的人。我在一家當?shù)貎和鐓^(qū)門診部當志愿工作者，為他們的家庭籌集捐款。我也在一個夏令營的當過精神顧問，開導(dǎo)弱智兒童和孤兒。除了希望能在UCI繼續(xù)從事激情的研究，我也熱切希望在這方面繼續(xù)平衡我的生活。正如Paley所說：“我們只有在大自然產(chǎn)生影響之時才感受到它巨大的能力”，這些影響不僅出現(xiàn)在實驗室里，而且還融入進生活里。