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文書點評:我最欣賞的人(Favorite Characters)

2013年02月21日來源:美國留學(xué)網(wǎng)作者: 萬佳留學(xué)
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Of all the characters that I've "met" through books and movies, two stand out as people that I most want to emulate. They are Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham from Field of Dreams. They appeal to me because they embody what I strive to be. They are influential people in small towns who have a direct positive effect on those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that positive effect is something I must give in order to be satisfied with my life.

Both Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom. When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things. The base has been formed for me to live a productive, helpful life. As an Eagle Scout I represent those things that Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I'll be entering the adult world, a world in which I'm not yet prepared to lead.

I'm quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham often wondered what they could do to help others. They probably emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his bank could not justify a loan to someone in need, my grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that characters like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers. Through him and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form the foundation for a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world. I feel that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.

點評:

你想成為什么樣的人?你最欣賞的品格是什么?很多學(xué)校都會出類似的題目來考察申請者的人生觀和價值觀,也就是文中的Character。

這篇文章直接就舉出了文學(xué)作品中的兩個形象,再以自己的祖父為例,說明自己想成為一個誠實善良、樂于助人的、在小鎮(zhèn)上能產(chǎn)生正面影響的人。他的寫法是成功的,因為他很清楚地表明了這一點,讀者也都能明白他心中的理想所在。

成功的地方有兩點:第一,將自己清楚定位在“小鎮(zhèn)生活”上,這就與無數(shù)來自大城市的申請人無形中劃開了界限,也更為“幫助別人”這個主題提供了地域氛圍上的界定;第二,給出了文學(xué)影視作品中的兩個具體形象,很直觀;由于作品出名,看過的人很快就能將理解這一形象,建立起認(rèn)知感;隨后以家庭成員為例子,就更加真實和易于理解。

不足在于從美好、誠實和樂于助人過渡到要獲得“大人世界需要的成熟、知識和智慧”,并且緊接著就提到哈佛能幫助自己成為理想中的人,比較突兀也欠缺自然;同時,語言方面略顯累贅。

譯文:

我最欣賞的人

在所有我接觸過的書本和電影中,我想要仿效和追隨的有兩個人—《誰殺了知更鳥》中的Attacus Finch和《夢幻之地》中的Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham。在所生活的小鎮(zhèn)上,他們以積極正面的姿態(tài)影響著周圍的人。我深深為他們的人格折服,想成為他們那樣的人;因為畢業(yè)后我也要回到小鎮(zhèn),為旁人帶來正面的影響才能使我的生活愉悅。

Mr. Finch 和Dr. Graham都是精彩故事中著力塑造的人物,代表著美好、誠實和智慧。在我自己的小鎮(zhèn)傳奇里,作為童子軍中的鷹軍,我也要體現(xiàn)這樣的品格,來構(gòu)成豐富而又充實生活的基礎(chǔ)。在孩童或是青少年時期我是Mr. Finch 和Dr. Graham,然而很快我就要進(jìn)入成人世界,一個我還沒準(zhǔn)備好的世界。

我很確信少年時代的Attacus Finch和Moonlight Graham總是在考慮他們能做什么來幫助別人。他們很可能是模仿他們認(rèn)識的成功人士,也很可能遇到過像我祖父一樣的人。祖父在小鎮(zhèn)銀行上擔(dān)任了四十年的行長,一生都以領(lǐng)導(dǎo)、分享和給予為自己的使命。我知道他在圣誕前夜把食品和歡樂贈予貧窮的人們;當(dāng)銀行不能把貸款批給有需要的人時,他就用自己的錢來充當(dāng)貸款。他就如同真實生活中的Moonlight Graham,象Dr. Graham和 Mr. Finch一樣—這兩位只是讓讀者和觀眾哭泣和歡笑,然而祖父所做的事情更多也更了不起。在他和我其他家庭成員的身上,我感到這種業(yè)已形成的價值觀和想要幫助他人的心愿將會成為偉大生活的基石。當(dāng)然,只有基石是不夠的,我仍缺乏大人世界需要的成熟、知識和智慧。我感覺到和其他學(xué)校相比,哈佛能夠引導(dǎo)我獲得偉大、走向成功,讓我成為我小鎮(zhèn)上的Attacus Finch。

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