Kibbutz. I liked that word as a child because the sounds of its letters were fun to hear and pronounce. I used the word frequently, because I grew up in Israel, where the kibbutz lifestyle is common. I was grateful for my good upbringing and for the admirable values that were instilled in me, but I was also ambitious and determined to have a career -- even though I was not encouraged to place any importance on that decision. As kibbutz children matured and started families of their own, the adults assumed that they would settle down as members of the community and work in one of its various branches, such as agriculture or community service. With or without encouragement, I always knew that I wanted a different lifestyle for myself, so I intended to earn a degree in higher education and work successfully in that rewarding profession.

A degree in education seemed important because throughout my life, I have spent much time helping others, and I wanted a profession that would incorporate caring and compassion as integral components of my work. Helping people consistently led to fulfillment as I served people in many different ways. In the eighth grade I volunteered as a surrogate granddaughter of an elderly woman who lived alone. Twice a week I would visit her in the afternoon, and we would chat while drinking cups of tea on her front porch. When her hand shook, I would hold the cup for her and appreciate the warmth of her kind expressions of gratitude. As a teenager, I would listen as many of my friends came to me for advice on personal issues. I would offer them an objective viewpoint and help them put things in perspective. These satisfying and meaningful experiences were instrumental as I considered various careers.

When I graduated from high school, I still had not chosen my profession and was not as enthusiastic about classroom teaching as I had been previously. At that time, I was more concerned with my mandatory two-year service in the Israeli army and how I could turn military service into a meaningful and rewarding experience. Reflecting on my experiences as a drill sergeant, I recall the countless challenges I overcame on a day-to-day basis. One of my most profound experiences occurred when I prevented one of my new recruits, Limor, from committing suicide. She was grieving because her fiancé had just been killed in a terrible car accident. Limor and I spent many hours talking about her feelings and her future. Even though I had no formal training in handling this type of situation, I somehow found the right words, and she went on to complete the rest of her military service successfully. Through this and many other experiences, I discovered my talents for leading and motivating others and became even more determined to work with people for the rest of my life.

Still, it took me some time to complete the turns of my career kaleidoscope. After graduating from college in the United States, I accepted a position at Paychex and found myself working in recruitment within the corporate Human Resources Department. The field of human resources was new to me, and I was fascinated and challenged by my assignments. I worked in employee development as a trainer for one hundred sales department employees. This work developed my passion for helping others achieve their true potential and showed me the great need for companies to encourage their employees' career development by providing the proper training. My own lack of direction and guidance in choosing my profession reinforced my interest in studying career development.

To explore my options and solidify my choice, I audited two graduate-level courses at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) and found the course work quite stimulating and rewarding. The vast range of courses and invaluable resources offered by the Human Resource Development Program will allow me to develop a wide perspective of the field. The staff, faculty and other students have been friendly and supportive, indicating to me that this environment will promote my successful education and future career. I want to earn my master's degree at RIT because its human resources program will provide me with the educational foundation that I need to reach my personal and professional goals.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：

本文按照時(shí)間順序，講述了作者從小到大與申請專業(yè)相關(guān)的經(jīng)歷。文章講述了作者小時(shí)候受到成長環(huán)境的影響，對(duì)人力資源方面感興趣這個(gè)點(diǎn)開始描寫。描述了她從上學(xué)到當(dāng)兵到去美國從事人力資源工作的過程，其中描述了她的興趣產(chǎn)生，感興趣后的學(xué)習(xí)和利用自己的潛力進(jìn)行的一些實(shí)際活動(dòng)經(jīng)歷。整篇文章字?jǐn)?shù)不多，但是思路清晰，結(jié)構(gòu)合理，寫的很生動(dòng)，使閱讀者可以很好的了解她曾經(jīng)的經(jīng)歷和她對(duì)目標(biāo)的追求過程，在介紹自己成長經(jīng)歷和興趣產(chǎn)生方面描述的很好。但是PS中只體現(xiàn)出興趣產(chǎn)生，追求過程是不夠的，PS中還應(yīng)該描述自己對(duì)專業(yè)的認(rèn)識(shí)，并且應(yīng)該通過一兩件事情的描述，來體現(xiàn)和證明出她自己所說的能力，畢竟能力才識(shí)最關(guān)鍵的。

作者曾經(jīng)在當(dāng)兵的時(shí)候成功的說服自己的戰(zhàn)友，使她放棄的自殺的想法。雖然這表面看起來跟申請專業(yè)有些不相關(guān)，但實(shí)際是有相關(guān)性的。她在這里所扮演的角色就是一個(gè)談判專家，需要作者遇事冷靜，反映機(jī)敏，而且要有很好的觀察力。在勸阻對(duì)方的時(shí)候，也要掌握好技巧。因此，這些都是可以通過細(xì)節(jié)描寫來體現(xiàn)出作者潛力的，而不是像作者一樣只是簡單的說自己有領(lǐng)導(dǎo)和激發(fā)他人的潛力，而沒有證明。另外，作者背景中，最重要也是跟申請專業(yè)直接相關(guān)的經(jīng)歷就是她的工作，但是在這里作者依然是簡單掠過，把自己最相關(guān)最直接的背景描述給忽略了，錯(cuò)過了介紹自己專業(yè)背景的機(jī)會(huì)。使整篇文章除了介紹自己興趣和成長經(jīng)歷外，缺少了PS中最重要的專業(yè)能力體現(xiàn)部分。因此，整篇文章猛看寫的很不錯(cuò)，但實(shí)際上是缺少了非常核心的東西，是此文章中不足的地方。

譯文：

當(dāng)我還是一個(gè)孩子的時(shí)候，我就喜歡“以色列的集體農(nóng)場”這個(gè)字眼，因?yàn)樗淖帜傅陌l(fā)音聽起來很有意思。我頻繁的使用這個(gè)單詞，因?yàn)槲沂窃谶@里長大的，這里的生活方式很普通。我得到的無數(shù)絕美的評(píng)價(jià)都要?dú)w功于我良好的教養(yǎng)，我無比的感激。即使如此，我的雄心促使我仍要繼續(xù)堅(jiān)定的在這條道路上不斷的進(jìn)步，雖然在決定中我沒有被放在一個(gè)有利的位置。當(dāng)一個(gè)孩子長大了開始組建自己的家庭的時(shí)候，他們會(huì)平靜的作為這個(gè)團(tuán)體的一員工作在不同的各個(gè)部門，比如農(nóng)業(yè)或者感化工作。無論是否受到鼓勵(lì)，我知道如果我想要不同的生活方式，為了成為專業(yè)的人才，為了在事業(yè)上取得成功我想要接受更高的教育。

一個(gè)高學(xué)歷是很重要的因?yàn)樗灤┲业纳睿矣煤芏鄷r(shí)間去幫助需要幫助的人，我想成為一個(gè)專業(yè)的人才。用我的同情心和憐憫心通過不同的方式去幫助其他的人。在我八年級(jí)的時(shí)候我成績自愿幫助一位孤寡老人。每周我會(huì)陪她喝兩次下午茶聊天。當(dāng)她的雙手開始顫抖的時(shí)候，我會(huì)幫助她拿著茶杯喝茶。我能感覺到她對(duì)我的感激之情。做為一個(gè)青年人，我的朋友經(jīng)常會(huì)像我詢問各種不同的見解。我會(huì)根據(jù)他們目標(biāo)的不同提出正確的意見。我從這些經(jīng)驗(yàn)中感到滿足，而且這些經(jīng)驗(yàn)對(duì)我來說也是非常有意義的。

我高中畢業(yè)的時(shí)候，我還是像以前一樣既不熱衷于學(xué)習(xí)也沒有選擇我的職業(yè)。那時(shí)在以色列我參加了為期兩年的服兵役，這段經(jīng)歷對(duì)我來說是非常有意思的。回想起我當(dāng)兵的那段經(jīng)歷，我受到了無數(shù)次的挑戰(zhàn)，但是我挺了過來。當(dāng)中最讓我值得驕傲的經(jīng)歷就是一個(gè)新兵Limor 她企圖自殺。她非常的傷心難過，因?yàn)樗奈椿榉蛟谝淮螄?yán)重的車禍中不幸的去世了。我花了很多的時(shí)間陪她聊天聊她的未來。雖然我從來沒有受過這方面的訓(xùn)練，我不知何故說服了她，使她成功地完成了她的兵役。通過這個(gè)和其他的經(jīng)驗(yàn)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了我的才能在于領(lǐng)導(dǎo)和激發(fā)他人，這堅(jiān)定了我以后的生活目標(biāo)。

盡管如此，我也花費(fèi)了一些時(shí)間來完成了對(duì)于我人生目標(biāo)的轉(zhuǎn)變。當(dāng)我從美國畢業(yè)以后，我進(jìn)入了Paychex 公司的人力資源管理部分，這對(duì)我來說是個(gè)新的領(lǐng)域，他使我非常著迷，對(duì)我充滿了挑戰(zhàn)。我在員工的培訓(xùn)部分，負(fù)責(zé)培訓(xùn)上百名雇員。這個(gè)工作激發(fā)了我的能力幫助其他人發(fā)掘他們的潛能，用適當(dāng)?shù)恼_地培訓(xùn)方法鼓勵(lì)他們實(shí)現(xiàn)他們的職業(yè)目標(biāo)，為公司提供更多的幫助。但是在職業(yè)培訓(xùn)這個(gè)專業(yè)領(lǐng)域上我缺乏正確地專業(yè)的學(xué)習(xí)指導(dǎo)。

為了探究和鞏固我的選擇，我旁聽了兩個(gè)研究生課程在Rochester理工大學(xué)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)課程論文非常有意思和值得我學(xué)習(xí)。大量的課程和人力資源學(xué)院提供的無法估量的資源價(jià)值，為我在這一領(lǐng)域提供了寬闊的眼界。這里的服務(wù)人員，教授還有其他的同學(xué)他們都對(duì)我非常地友好和支持，幫助我給我指示，這里的環(huán)境將會(huì)為我將來在學(xué)業(yè)上和未來的目標(biāo)提供很多的幫助。我想在RIT進(jìn)行我的研究生學(xué)習(xí)，因?yàn)槿肆Y源管理這個(gè)項(xiàng)目將對(duì)我的教育和未來人生和職業(yè)目標(biāo)提供廣闊的平臺(tái)和幫助。