Wisdom-The Definition of [name]

Reflection. The image was one of kindness, warmth, love. The silver lines of her hair shimmered in the sunlight, and the pale wrinkled cheeks smoothed when she smiled. I sat there beaming at her. She sat there smiling at me. Life was simple.

"Beep, Beep, Beep" the machine interrupted. It commanded my attention. Sitting at the side of the bed, my eyes became alert once more, glancing at my grandmother. "Why did this have to happen now? She was recovering from lung cancer. Now, hepatitis too?"

Glancing at her hands made me reminisce. Hands that had helped me to reach the ice cream sandwiches my tiny fingers couldn't quite grasp. Hands that had knitted my doll's clothes, my baby blanket, my bright tri-colored scarves. Hands that had come together in prayer at my grandfather's funeral. How many times had I held those hands? I saw the ring in her finger. I remembered the scene earlier, when she had tried to give me the ring, telling me to take it when she passed away. At that time I could see the frightened child in her. She was not ready.

I had been so busy over the years placing urgent over important. I thought of all those letters unwritten, phone calls unmade, and visits forgotten, while I was stressing about tennis matches, homework, and friends. Everything was so trivial.

Looking at her face, I saw the resemblance to my own mother. Imagine the hurt my mom must be going through. Losing a mother is one of the greatest pains in the world, a knife wound to the heart. I remembered the stories of my mother as a child, always asking the unanswerable question and dreaming to be the successful professional. Those were similar to the stories I had also heard about myself. How I longed to hear another story. Reaching out my hand to touch her forehead, I saw her eyelids flutter open, revealing mocha coffee colored eyes that held warmth, sprinkled with sweet love. "Still sharp,” I thought to myself.

"We were wrong,” the doctors said. All three came into the room to apologize, too happy to be ashamed. "The result turned out to be negative. You don't have. . . ." The man's voice was interrupted by clapping. My grandmother sat there smiling like a young puppy.

Her Comments by Admissions Officers who assisted in the Creation of this Course

Well written, nice use of language-but it doesn't say much of anything!

This is sweet, but I don't know quite what to make of it.

This is rather sentimental and trite, and doesn't tell me a great deal about what the author would contribute to the class. However, it is well-written, and I do get the impression that the author would be a pleasant person. The essay would not have a lot of influence, either positive or negative, on my ultimate decision.

點評：

題材——

不對口!這個問題一直存在于中學生大大小小的寫作中，包括高考！很多程度上是由于作者沒有領會題目的要求。

優(yōu)點——

正如評審員所說，該作者措辭華麗，這確實是一個亮點，可惜的是，沒有做出別人想要的東西，措辭是一對翅膀，“如虎添翼”里面的翅膀，而非一個具有攻擊力的東西，價值的存在應該是老虎。

缺點——

也許我們可以這么推測作者的寫作意圖：通過表現(xiàn)自己對祖母的愛以及愛問問題的性格來表現(xiàn)自己的優(yōu)點，可是，這些優(yōu)點到底有什么使用價值呢？單單是可以和同學們友好相處嗎？愛問問題的特點可以帶動課堂的氣氛？實際上這些東西僅僅是屬于個人的范疇，最多能說明你這個個體怎么樣，至于能否給集體帶來什么樣的影響，并不能明顯體現(xiàn)出來。這也就是評審員的看法。另外，對于自由發(fā)揮的題目，很多申請人認為應該寫得盡量抽象，題材不限，但是，我們不管寫什么樣的文章，都應該圍繞著自身的特點來展開，包括申請的專業(yè)特點，該專業(yè)在申請學校中的地位，背景等等，然后展示自己所具備的潛力，在該領域能如何發(fā)展，特別是商學院，注重對問題的分析判斷，如果像這種連題目要求都沒有理解好的，又如何談以后在管理領域去有效發(fā)現(xiàn)問題，分析問題，更別說去解決了——即使你的考試成績很好！

譯文：

智慧——XXX的定義

反思。她的形象代表著親切、溫暖和愛。她頭上的銀發(fā)在陽光下微微發(fā)亮，微笑的時候臉上的皺紋也舒展開了。我坐在那看著她，她也微笑著看著我，生活就是這么簡單！

“嘟、嘟、嘟”儀器停止了運作。它引起了我的注意。坐在床邊，我的目光再一次警惕地放在祖母的身上?！盀楹维F(xiàn)在出現(xiàn)這種情況？她剛從肺癌中康復過來，現(xiàn)在又有肺炎了嗎？”

看著她的手，思緒慢慢涌現(xiàn)。在我手太小以無法拿好冰激凌三文治時，是這雙手給予我?guī)椭唤o我的洋娃娃編織衣服、編織我的嬰兒毛毯和我鮮艷的三色領帶的是這雙手；在爺爺?shù)脑岫Y上雙手合十做祈禱的也是這雙手。我多少次握過這雙手？我看到她手指上的戒指。我回憶起前一段時間的場景，當她決定把戒指給我，告訴我在她離開后要好好保存它們。那時候我看到她的眼睛里那個被嚇倒的孩子，但她并不原意看到這樣的情況。

這么多年來我一直忙于一些迫切的重要事情。我關(guān)心那些沒有寫的信件，沒有打的電話，沒有進行的拜訪——當我把精力放在網(wǎng)球比賽，工作以及交友上面時。一切都顯得微不足道。

從她的臉上，我看到了媽媽的影子。想象我媽媽經(jīng)歷過的痛苦。失去媽媽是世界上最痛苦的事情之一，就像被一把刀刺在心頭一樣。我記得有關(guān)我媽媽的一個故事是，她小時候經(jīng)常問一些、別人無法回答的問題，并且夢想有一天能成為成功的專家。這跟我聽到的有關(guān)我小時候的表現(xiàn)是如此地相似。當我伸出手去撫摸她的額頭時，看到她的眼皮微微張開，從那摩卡咖啡色的眼睛中能看出慈祥的愛意?！耙廊粡娏摇！蔽倚睦锵搿?/P>

“我們弄錯了。”三個醫(yī)生跑到房間來道歉，過于開心以至于感到羞愧．“之前的診斷結(jié)果被否定了，你沒有患．．．．．”醫(yī)生的聲音頓時被掌聲掩蓋了。我的祖母像個可愛的小動物一樣坐在床上笑了。

錄取他的招生委員會給這篇文章的評語是：

好文章，語言運用得很好——但它并不能說明什么！

這個故事很甜蜜，但我不是很清楚要表達什么。

其更多的是表達傷感的東西以及一些陳舊的題材，并不能讓我明白作者到底可以給他將來的班級貢獻什么。然而，文章寫得很好，作者給我的印象是他是一個非常善良的人。這篇短文沒有很多的影響力，不管是正面的還是反面的——這是我最終的評價！