My mom is an extraordinary lady. She has gone through a war, a painful separation from her husband, unemployment and many other difficult situations. In Bosnia, before the war started, I didn't talk to my mom that often. I was an only child, and I was daddy's little girl. My mom always seemed depressed and unfriendly when I tried to talk to her. I always honestly thought that I didn't like her, not even realizing what I was thinking.

Right before the war started, my parents sent me to Serbia so nothing would happen to me. They stayed in our hometown with my newborn brother, and I was in Serbia with my aunts and different families. I was only 12 and I didn't know what was happening. I thought everything would be over one day and I would go home. I thought this was a big adventure and I was the main character. But then I realized that what I was living through was not an adventure, but a nightmare. My dad was put in a prison camp where he was beaten and abused by Serb soldiers. My mom was in our house trying to take care of my little brother and my sick grandmother.

Even though she was living in hell, she still managed to write me letters saying I would come home soon and I shouldn't worry. I appreciated her letters, and thought about all the times that I hadn't liked her. In one of my letters, I asked why she never tried to have a relationship with me, like other mothers and daughters. She wrote saying how hard it was for her to be at any kind of social situation, because she felt like everyone knew that she couldn't hear and would make fun of her.

My mom has had a hearing problem since she was two and had very high fever which basically burned her ear nerves. Since then, her family made fun of her. You ask yourself, "How could they do that?" but that still happens. My mom never had access to hearing aids since my grandfather believed she would never do anything with her life, so why spend money on hearing aids?

From then on, I wrote my mom all the time and finally one year later, we were reunited. Six months later, we came to America, the country of freedom and opportunities. Again my mother faced many struggles, not only because of her hearing, but because she was now a single mother in a foreign country. In spite of this, she still had the strength to fight for a better life for her children.

No one has influenced me more than my mother. She has shown me that even when all the odds are against you, you need to fight and stand up for what you believe.
After I finish my undergraduate studies I would love to go to medical school and provide people with medical services, because I know that if my mom had had access to a hospital, she would never have lost her hearing. I want to make a difference in this world, and I want to make my mom proud. She deserves that.

點評：

從文章的大體結構上看來，這是主要描寫母親的一篇文章，通過描寫一位母親面對困難依然不屈不撓的精神對自己產生了極大的影響。從題材上來講，筆者并不像其他人是針對自己的某個經歷來吹噓個人能力，成就。而是以自己的母親為切入點，這可以說是一種既冒險又新穎的寫法。冒險的地方在于必須要將母親與自己很好地聯系起來，例如母親有什么過人之處，如何對自己產生深刻的影響，自己又是如何看待自己的追求等等。新穎的地方在于筆者不千人一面，寫大眾化的內容。很明顯筆者已經成功地吸引了讀者的眼球了。接下來，文章的重點在于如何將母親和自己的形象躍然紙上，令人有眼前一亮的感覺。然而在這方面，筆者有不足之處。

1.文章重點不夠突出，枝節(jié)太多。例如在寫母親如何面對困難這方面的描寫并不詳細，尤其是第二、三段，反而寫了自己離開家鄉(xiāng)的細節(jié)。

2.沒有突出寫母親如何對自己產生的影響。僅僅是第六段簡單提起，但究竟是如何讓你產生這種感覺卻是沒有交代。

3.頭重腳輕，前面寫的是母親，但真正描寫自己的筆墨卻很少。例如自己是如何希望能進行醫(yī)學上的研究，如何對自己的選擇進行思考等等都沒有具體陳述，使得說服力不夠強。

譯文：

一位非凡的女性

我的母親是一位非凡的女性。她經歷了戰(zhàn)爭，婚姻的離異，失業(yè)和其他各種各樣的困難。戰(zhàn)爭開始之前，我和母親在波斯尼亞并不常說話。當時我只是一個小孩，父親的寶貝。每當我想跟母親說話，她總是露出好象很失望或不友好的表情，老實說，這令我很討厭她，我甚至沒察覺這就是我的想法。

戰(zhàn)爭開始之前，我的家人為了確保我的安全，把我送去塞爾維亞。他們和新出世的弟弟呆在家鄉(xiāng)，而我就和阿姨住在不同的家庭里。那時我僅僅12歲，還沒有察覺有什么不對勁的地方。我想一切都會在一天內結束，而我就可以回家了，我只是充當了一次大冒險的主角罷了。但后來我意識到我現在的生活并不是冒險而是一場噩夢。我的父親被塞爾維亞的士兵毆打并擅自把他關進了監(jiān)獄。而我的母親只能在家里照顧我的弟弟和害病的祖母。

即使她生活在水深火熱之中，她依然寫信安慰我，讓我不用擔心，很快就可以一家團聚了。字里行間，我體會著母親的愛，這讓我想起以前我一直對她的厭惡。在我其中一封回信里我問她為什么從來不嘗試，就像別的母親和女兒那樣與我建立母女之間的關系。她回復到，這對她來說，處于任何場合都會使她非常的難堪。因為她覺得所有人都會知道她失聰并且取笑她。

我母親在兩歲時聽覺就有問題，一場高燒徹底燒壞了她的聽覺神經。自那以后，她的家人就取笑她。她自問：“他們怎么能這樣？”但這始終是事實。后來因為我的祖父認為我母親對她的生活再也無能為力時，為了省錢就不讓她接受聽力治療。

從那時起，我每次都給母親寫信。一年之后，我們團聚了。6個月后我們搬去了充滿自由和機會的國家——美國。然而這次不僅因為我母親的失聰，而她又是異國他鄉(xiāng)的一位單身母親，所以不得不又面臨種種困難。不管怎樣，她總是精力充沛地為她的孩子營造更好的生活而奮斗。

沒有人能像我母親那樣如此深刻地影響我。她向我說明了一個道理：當困難就在你面前時，你需要去克服它，并堅持你的信仰。

在我完成我的本科學習后，我希望能進入醫(yī)學院并向人們提供醫(yī)療服務。因為我知道如果我母親可以接受治療，她可能就不會失聰了。我希望能憑自己的能力改變世界，我希望我母親能以我為豪。她值得擁有這種榮耀！