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文書點評:命題ESSAY

2013年02月21日來源:美國留學網(wǎng)作者: 萬佳留學
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[Prompt: We all experience "defining moments,” significant events that can have a major impact on our lives. Briefly describe such an event and how it affected you.]

Bunks, ladders, tables, and a large dusty fan cluttered the tiny train compartment. Though I had hardly expected the velvet luxury of bygone days, the stained, dull brown wallpaper and filthy windows oppressed my spirit. My travel agent had assured me that I would have my own compartment, but five equally confused travel companions soon joined me: a hairdresser from Norway, a schoolteacher from Hawaii, a veterinarian from Beijing, and the veterinarian’s two cats. I am allergic to cats. I had dreamt of traveling the Trans-Siberian ever since I was a child: at home, the name had rung with mystery and romance. On board, uncomfortable, disappointed, and sneezing, I only wanted to go home.

During the three-week gap between graduation and my first day of work, I decided to fulfill my childhood dream of traveling the full length of the longest railway line in the world: the Trans-Siberian Railway. It was my first true travel adventure, and it changed my outlook dramatically.

Traveling 8,000 kilometers in cramped conditions over seven long days and nights, I came to know my travel companions well. As I experienced their unique perspectives and different customs in extremely close quarters, I also noticed that we could laugh together and see the same stark beauty in the icy tundra. I realized that despite differences of dress and language, of political and religious beliefs, all of the world’s people are essentially similar. We all have common urges and concerns; we all yearn for the same goals and experience the same joys and sorrows. Those who patronize other people, demonize those they disagree with, or disregard foreign cultures as primitive have come to seem foolish. My journey on the Trans-Siberian railway was an uncomfortable yet invaluable experience, as I traveled across the world I was only beginning to understand.

點評:

這是一篇命題小作文,主要是描述一件對自己產(chǎn)生重大影響的事情。本文只有三段,第一段大概描述了一下事情的前因后果,第二段是承上啟下的過渡段,第三段是文章的重點,描述作者從這件事情受到的影響和啟發(fā)。

作者選取了自己畢業(yè)之后的西伯利亞大鐵路之旅的經(jīng)歷為題材,把旅行的經(jīng)歷和感悟描述了出來。在狹小擁擠的車廂里,作者度過了一段并不是很舒服的旅程,但是作者也因此認識了來自不同文化的人,對于人生的看法也從此改變。作者從與旅伴們的交流中得出了人類從本質(zhì)上是一樣的,都有相同的追求。

在寫命題文章的時候,一定要弄懂題目的要求,想明白出題者要的是什么。就像在這篇文章當中,題目的重點就是“major impact”。描寫的事情本身不是最重要的,重要的是作者從中真正體會的東西,把自己對于這件事情的看法寫出來。

譯文:橫跨西伯利亞之旅

(提示:我們都經(jīng)歷過對我們生命有著重要影響的“決定性時刻”或者重大事件。請簡單描述一件影響你的事情。)

鋪位,梯子,桌子和一臺臟兮兮的大風扇充斥著狹窄的火車車廂。即使我?guī)缀鯖]有憧憬過會有舒舒服服的奢華,但殘舊破爛的墻畫和沾滿灰塵的窗子讓我感到深深的失望。我的旅游代理保證我可以獨享一個火車車廂,但是五個跟我一樣感到疑惑的旅伴很快也走了進來。他們分別是一個挪威的理發(fā)師,一個夏威夷的老師,一個北京的獸醫(yī),加上他的兩只貓。我對貓過敏。我從孩童時就夢想可以橫跨西伯利亞旅行:在家里,這是充滿了神秘和浪漫的事情;在車上,我感到不舒服,失望,還打噴嚏,我只想回家。

在畢業(yè)之后,我決定利用上班前空閑的三個星期時間實現(xiàn)孩提時代要走完世界上最長的鐵路線進行旅行的夢想:西伯利亞大鐵路。這是我的第一次真正的冒險旅行,而且很大程度上改變了我對人生的看法。

在7個漫長的日日夜夜里,我在擁擠的環(huán)境里旅行了8,000公里,也熟悉了我的旅伴。我在極其擁擠的空間里感受到了他們獨特的觀點和不同的文化,我同樣注意到我們可以一起歡笑,對于冰凍苔原的荒涼也有相同的審美觀。我意識到雖然我們穿著不同的服裝,說著不同的語言,有著不同的政治和宗教信仰,全世界的人們本質(zhì)上是一樣的。我們有共同的追求和利益,我們向往相同的目標,經(jīng)歷相同的悲歡。那些剝削他人,妖魔化持有異見的人,把外國文化看成是原始文化的人是愚蠢的。我在西伯利亞大鐵路的旅途是不舒服的卻是無價的經(jīng)歷,當我橫跨世界的時候我才剛開始理解。

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